Suicide Note
by Madara-Sensei
Summary: This depression, this agony.. I can't take it anymore. How can I live with myself when I'm in love with my brother? When he's happy, married...and expecting? Rated M for Suicidal themes, and mentions of self-harm. ItaSasu, AU. Slight OOCness
1. Hurry Up And Save Me

**_A/N: This is really just a depressing fic. I don't entirely know where it popped up from, I was simply just laying in bed listening to Suicide Note by Third realm and this came to my mind.  
I suppose listening to this type of music would bring this down onto me..._**

**_All the lyrics used in this fic are from that song, Suicide Note by Third Realm._**

**_Now, this isn't supposed to be a multi-chaptered fanfiction, but it might be depending on the reactions... there aren't any character deaths here, though._**

**_Warnings: SUICIDE triggers, self harm, mentions of incest, possible future incest, and just some REALLY depressing shit._**

**_Author: 'Tachi_**

* * *

_Our lives become a shade of grey_

_You're the only one that can make it… okay…_

_I see a razor on the shelf…._

_time to lock the door and use it on my self…  
__

The pain in my chest still hasn't gone away… though I never really expected it to. Really, in truth, I expect it to stay this way. This hole in my heart, this aching pain every single day… Having to watch him, be oh-so-very happy with his new wife.

Why did I have to love him, really… Why did I have to fall in love with my own brother? I'm not even sure how it happened… but it hurts so, so very much now. The day I found out he was getting married had to be one of the worst… the worst had to be the day I had to see him kiss her, and swear to his vows...before they went off on their honeymoon before moving in with me, my mother, and father - until they could get a place of their own to live in.

_I'll set myself free…_

_into this dark abyss I'll go._

_I'll set myself free..._

_So I won't feel the pain anymore._

_I'll set myself free…._

_into this dark abyss i'll go._

_I'll set myself free.._

_so I won't feel the pain anymore…  
__

The days keep dragging on, the world simply just loving my torture. I loved him oh so very much, but he would never see it. Never. He was everything to me - absolutely everything. I'm.. happy though, that he found love, where I never possibly could. I'm glad he's happy… but now I'm just standing on the side lines. It hurts to watch him, it really really does.

The way he smiles at her, the way he laughs and seems perfectly care-free, like he really didn't have a care at all. We used to be so close, but ever since she come into the picture… me and him? Ha… we never hung out anymore, we never talked unless forced to by mom or dad.

And usually those conversations were tense, full of something that neither brother would ever bring up.

_And I don't want to go,_

_I love you,_

_I love you, _

_but I've lost control…_

_I can't believe you're gone…_

_you were my life, all along._

_Now bury me below, _

_I love you, _

_But I have to go…  
__

The days never get shorter, they just seem to keep getting oh-so-very longer. They're mocking me, I swear... they're counting down very slowly, until the day I finally snap out of this fake-happiness, until I finally let that blade slip a little deeper into my skin.

To tell the truth, I'm scared. I don't want to hurt myself more but this pain... it aches. Everything, inside and out, it just hurts. I don't want to continue watching Itachi be so happy with her. I don't want to sit here with a fake smile plastered on my lips like nothing's wrong when **everything** is wrong. I can't stand it. It hurts, and this wound will never heal. I'm going to have to keep watching this, watch the man I love be happy with a woman that clearly loves him just as much as I do.

And I don't hate her - really she's a sweet person, and is always concerned for me... I can't hate someone Itachi loves so much, because that'd hurt him, and I can't hurt him, y'know?

It's just not possible... I'd hate myself every more if I did end up hurting him...

_I can't believe my eyes..._

_you were not here to save my life..._

_and I don't want to go.._

_I love you, _

_I love you, _

_But I've lost control...  
__

Tonight's the night... He just announced that he and his wife were expecting a child.

It shattered me even more, and I just can't take it anymore - this pain, this torture... I can't do it anymore.

It's around midnight when I finally build up the courage to sneak out of my room, and slip down the stairs to the kitchen, locating the knifes easily enough. My silly razor blade wouldn't be fit for the job I have in mind tonight.

Locating the biggest blade I could possibly find, I plucked it from it's holder before slowly creeping up the stairs again, keeping the blade hidden behind my back just in case someone was still up and decided to walk the halls at this hour.. but luckily enough, no one was up... at least I hoped so this time.

_I'll set myself free…_

_into this dark abyss I'll go._

_I'll set myself free..._

_So I won't feel the pain anymore._

_I'll set myself free…._

_into this dark abyss i'll go._

_I'll set myself free.._

_so I won't feel the pain anymore…  
__

Once I reached the bathroom, I slid the lock in place, letting out a shaky breath as tears finally pooled in my eyes. This was it.

Setting the knife down onto the sink for later, I braced myself up against it to stare into the mirror. So much for the great Sasuke Uchiha... I looked like an absolute mess. My eyes were horribly puffy, swollen and red from all the crying I've done in the past few hours, and days. There were bags under my eyes, which were a deep shade of purple due to the fact I haven't slept in at least a good week, and my skin was pale and sickly white. It was fitting, though, for what was to come next.

Shakily, I slipped an old photo out of my pajama bottoms - it was of me and Itachi when we were younger. He was thirteen at the time, I think, and I was nine. We were close at that age, really, really close. In the picture, he was carrying me on my shoulders with a small smile on his lips, while I was eating ice cream and pointedly trying to drip some on him to annoy him... though he never really minded at the time.

This picture had been taken by our mother, years ago, and I hadn't known about it until recently when I was scrolling through some photos on an old camera of ours, and I ended up printing it out and always keeping it on me to remind me of the old memories.

Too bad this would be the last time I'd ever see it... and I couldn't even see it clearly now that my eyes were full of these blasted tears, as they beaded down my cheeks and ended up either falling to the floor or onto the treasured photo.

Letting out another shaky breath, I lifted the knife, staring at my reflected for a few moments before I settled against the tub, resting my back against the cold surface before I ended up setting the picture down and brushing my tears away with my thumb, muttering a soft curse at how pathetic I must look right then. Sasuke Uchiha, crying over a lost love when he could _almost_ have everyone he ever wanted.

**Almost.**

Shaking my head bitterly, I finally lifted the knife and hesitated barely a second before I pressed it against my skin, instantly getting goosebumps at the cold sensation running up my arm.

It was time to go...

Applying pressure, I slowly dragged the blade along the length of my arm, biting my lip to keep a cry of pain in my throat - although the cry still somehow managed to break free, it was a sound of utter agony. I didn't stop with just that arm, though, even as I began to lose feeling in that appendage, I somehow managed to switch the knife to my other hand and drag the blade up my non-wounded arm, the blood instantly springing free and blooming, overflowing and dripping down my pale,pale flesh and onto the small rug that I sat on.

Mother would never get that stain out...

Tears overwhelmed my eyes at the blissful numb feeling that captured my almost instantly, though something and I don't know what made me brush them away with my blood-stained hand, before dipping my fingers into my warm, cooling blood.

On the tiles next to me, shakily, I slowly wrote something to my dearly beloved brother, hoping that maybe... he would understand why I had to do this.

Why I had to kill myself.

Though I couldn't write much, I knew that this would go for a long way.

'**_Itachi_**

**_I'm sorry I loved you...more then I should have'_**

It was perfect, this feeling. It was a void of the agony I was truly feeling, it made me smile.

Everything was perfect... that is until I heard a voice calling for me, one full of absolute worry - one that was so familiar and one that I dreamed about whenever I got even a little bit of sleep.

Itachi...

My utterly swollen hues slid open, flicking to the picture beside me which was slowly beginning to cover in blood, though it still made me smile, because that would be my final memory... Of when me and Itachi were happy, of when he still loved me.

And with that smile still curling my lips, my eyes slid shut and the door flew open, though I didn't worry.

I was already drifting off into a sleep I wouldn't be waking up from.

_I can't go on living this way..._

_My entire world is nor filled with..._

_dismay..._

_And I don't think should I have to stay..._

_In a masted world that fuckin' tortures... _

_everyday..._

_I'll set myself free..._

_into this dark abyss I'll go_

_I'll set myself free..._

_so i won't feel the pain anymore..._

* * *

**_A/N: I really don't know where this came from, but... well here we go._**

**_If anyone really wants this to continue, then I will, because there could be a potential plot here that I could easily make and play out, though it'll be fairly hard seeing that I just brought this all up on a whim. _**

**_Review, please, and maybe I'll tell you if Sasuke-bby actually lived or died that night._**


	2. Love Is The Devil

_**A/N: Once again, the inspiration of this chapter was caused by a song.**_

_**Ugh, I really need to get a life...**_

_**This chapter is dedicated to HannahWing for being my first and only reviewer.**_

**_Songs: Love is the Devil, and Renfield's Syndrome, and Reap what You Sow by Third Realm._**

* * *

_**Love**__ is the devil..._

_Cut me __**deeper**__ tonight,_

_Baby,_

_and let me see the __**blood**__ on your knife..._

_**Scratch**__, __**lick**__, __**restrain**__, and __**bite**__..._

_Maybe you will be the __**death**__ in my __**life**__._

Everything ached, my body, my mind, my emotions... I can hardly remember what happened last, although that was mostly due to an annoying beeping sound coming from my left, making me wonder where exactly I was. There was no way I was actually in my own bed, seeing that the sheets were far to uncomfortable against my skin... not only that but it didn't exactly feel like I was wearing my own clothes - and that made me frown. Whatever I was wearing, it was paper-thin and scratchy.

I didn't like it, not one bit.

I don't know why, but I didn't want to open my eyes, I really... really just wanted to go back into a blissful slumber, where I couldn't see or hear or **feel** anything. Though, moments after that thought I forced my eyes open as it became apparent that there was someone else in here...who I wasn't entirely sure, that is until my dark and lifeless eyes landed on my one and only brother.

Uchiha Itachi.

Suddenly, the memories of what I'd did came flashing back to me - the pain, the wonderful numbness, the little note I'd left behind... everything, and that made me nearly gasp. Though, I held in that small sound, seeing that I didn't want to wake Itachi, whom was slightly slouched over the bed I was laying in, his arms crossed and his head resting on them. There were bags under his eyes - like he hadn't been sleeping, and I felt a pang of worry go through me before I realized something.

I was in the hospital.

I failed.

A sound of utter agony left my lips, my wide obsidian hues clenching shut. I'd wanted to die...I'd wanted to do **something** right in my life and the one thing that I thought I'd be successful at had horribly, and utterly **failed. **I'm such a unwanted, disgusting loser that even death refused to allow me to leave this world.

_Love is the devil like the __**crack**__ in your heart,_

_you should let your soul decide._

_Love is the devil like the __**black**__ in your heart,_

_do you lie to control what's inside?_

The sound that had passed my lips moments before must've woken my brother, because in the next moment, I felt a hand on my cheek, brushing away the tears that I didn't know had slipped through. Slowly, I allowed my eyes to slip fully open, to gaze at my half-awake brother whom stared at me with such concern, and such love that I nearly regretted doing what I had. **Nearly.**

He didn't waste anytime with pleasantries, either, just like I knew he wouldn't.

"Sasuke...Otouto, Why'd you do it? Why didn't you tell me something was wrong?" His voice was softer then expected, that much shocked me, though I didn't answer, only stared at him with lifeless eyes until I lifted one of my bandaged up arms to brush his hand from my cheek. I didn't want his false concern, or love. He was probably here because Okaa-san and ChiChi**(1)** made him stay with me... which was my typical answer for everything whenever my brother seemed to express any concern for me.

Afterall, it's not like he actually gave a shit about me, ne?

_I'll build a mausoleum to hide our bodies,_

_and talk about the love you __**denied**__._

_I'll kiss away the tears you have cried feel me,_

_now you will be the modified __**bride.**_

In the next moment, I turned in the bed that I was in, curling on my left side so that I didn't have to face my brother as I tugged my knees to my chest, burying my face into them. The shuffle of movement that I expected to hear never came, which surprised me. Usually whenever I ignored him, he went away like I wanted but apparently... this time it wasn't going to be like the rest of the times.

Clenching my jaw, I fought back tears as I thought back to that night. Had I not cut **deep** enough...? Had I-

"Sasuke, you've been in the hospital for over a week and a half and the first fucking time you wake up, you ignore me? Do you know how worried Mother and Father are? Do you know how worried **I** am?" Itachi sounded beyond tired, but behind that tired voice of his was anger, but that wasn't it... there was something else that I couldn't exactly pinpoint.

Tilting my head slightly to the side to indicate that I was listening, I still bluntly refused to move from my position - I didn't want to look at the man I love, the man that would **never** return my feelings.

"Otouto... We...I can't **help** you if you don't tell me what's wrong..." His voice... it was tender and soft, and it nearly made me tear up once again. He was everything to me, yet he couldn't tell that the reason I did this.. the reason I was hurting... it was all because of him.

Because he'd **never** return my feelings, because he'd **never **realize how much he'd **cut** into my heart, and my skin unintentionally. It was horrible, and it could never be helped...

"**Help?** Oh, **now** you want to help me?" My voice was rather raspy, and it hurt to talk.. but I couldn't help myself. Even if the sound of my voice was bitter, filled with utter sorrow and agony, that it even scared me a little... though moments later I realized it barely portrayed the utter agony that I was feeling on the inside. "It's too god damned **late** to help me, **Itachi**. So stop **pretending** like you actually give a single fuck and **get out.**" My words were oh-so-very bitter, filled with emotion and hatred... yet also filled with the utmost love for my brother, though I doubt he noticed that.

There was no noise, for several long moments, before I heard him sigh, and slowly stand up. There was another pause, as if he was debating something, before he sighed once again and turned to leave. I heard the door slip open, but not close for several long moments, before he spoke up once again.

"Sasuke.. I know I haven't exactly been the best brother in the world, but I at least would've hoped you knew exactly how much I actually cared for you..." I could tell he was shaking his head at me, it was just something he'd do. I watched him too much, payed attention to the smallest things about him... I mean, how could I not? "...I'll be back later with something for you to eat, Otouto." And without another word he was gone.

_Can they ever live inside a world full of __**hunger**__,_

_can they ever live in a world without __**blood**__?_

_Will people ever accept the nature of their __**feelings**__,_

_will they ever accept the __**death**__ inside their land?_

I don't know when I had fallen asleep, but it must have only been for a few minutes,because I woke up to the sound of a door opening, and silent footsteps approaching the bed I was currently laying in. I slowed my breathing, keeping my eyes shut and pretending like I was asleep so that he would leave me alone...and surprisingly it worked.

I heard him set down a tray, which I could only assume was the promised food he'd get fro me, before he sat. Probably in the same chair that he'd been sleeping in earlier, though currently I really didn't care. Instead, I simply drew the blankets tighter around my slim form, my teeth snagging my lower lip as pain sparked from my wrists - somehow, I'm not entirely sure how, I'd reopened the cuts... though I refused to utter a single sound of pain.

I didn't want to give in again.

_**Love**__ is the girl,_

_and __**death**__ is the boy._

_**Hurt**__ is the tool,_

_and __**pain**__ is the toy._

_**Hate**__ is the heart,_

_and __**dreams**__ are us all._

_Rain is the __**blood**__ in the veins you __**control**__._

I'm not sure how long it took, but eventually I heard my brother's breathing even out once again, and slowly, I uncurled myself, slowly stretching my limbs before glancing at the food. My stomach rumbled, and even though I didn't want to eat, I knew if I didn't they'd force me.

Slowly, I brought the tray to rest on my lap, barely glancing at the disgusting glop they called food before quickly eating it, draing the cup of water.

I barely was able to set the trey back down on the stand next to the bed, before I was out like a light.

_Embrace the __**shadows**__ 'cause you're already dead,_

_now lace the gown comprehensively __**red**__._

_A perfect circle of the ones you __**deceive**__, _

_you keep them __**silent**__, __**shallow**__, __**numb**__ and __**naive**__._

_You are __**infected**__, __**sick**__, in __**denial**__,_

_your warped __**illusions**__ keep my soul on trial._

_So called __**devotion**__, _

_drained my __**silent tears.**_

_**Blinded**__ and __**shackled**__ by__** imaginary fears**__._

* * *

**1. Chichi is actually the formal way to say 'father' in Japanese. **

**A/N: So I started writing this at like 3:30 in the morning.**

**And I just finished and it's about 4:42. **

**I'd say that this is a good hour-and-twelve minute chapter.**

**Usually I'd try to go for longer, but I'm drop-dead tired and I know that I won't want to work on this tomorrow, so here you go ;3**

**I hope you enjoyed. There's more where that came from!**

**This is the fastest I've ever updated something, too...Review, please! Even if I did a bad job here.**


	3. You Are the Moon

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to get this out... I usually don't post during the week because of school, and I don't get to work and lay out the chapter much unless it's on paper and pen, and it doesn't usually help me much because I end up changing it allot anyways.**

**This chapter is an... interesting one. And I know that a few people might hate it, because it involves Itachi's Wife(My oc, actually) and Sasuke having a long, drawn out talk.**

**Now... I know some will hate this chapter, but believe it or not, my OC plays a big role in actually (Hopefully) getting Itachi to realize something in the future, so please don't flame because of her role in this chapter.**

**Songs used: You Are the Moon by Hush Sound**

* * *

_"__**Shadows **__all around you,_

_as you,_

_surface from the __**dark...**_

_Emerging from the __**gentle**__ grip, _

_of night's __**unfolding**__ arms..."_

The next time I woke up, I wasn't alone again. But this time, I also knew it wasn't my brother who was with me, for the sole reason that I heard a very gentle sound, a woman's voice. She, whoever she was, was singing in a gentle and soft voice, one that could lull me to fall asleep once again if it weren't for the fact that I wanted to listen longer, so I fought off the urge to fall asleep once again.

As the sleepiness slowly left me, I realized that this voice was all too familiar to me. I had listened to her laugh all too many times, I see her almost everyday... she's someone I envy, yet someone who is also beautiful and gentle. She never hated anyone for anything, and she never exactly would. She was too kind for it.

Her name was Skye, and to say the least... this is the woman who stole my brother's heart.

Anyone could see why Itachi had fallen in love with her - she was beautiful, her hair like a silver wave that flowed freely down her back, her voice almost as gentle as a soft breeze. She was always so kind, even when I was harsh and hateful too her, when I resented her. I always had given her a harsh time, though she never snapped at me, never was angry with me. Anytime I'd snap at her, she's just give me a sad, yet gentle smile and kissed my forehead, like my brother used to, before walking off.

She really was like a big sister I'd never had, although I certainly wanted one.

Shifting slowly, so that I didn't interrupt her gentle voice, my dark hues landed on her. She was sitting on the bed, just to my right. She wasn't looking at me, and instead was gazing at her hands - which were folded in her lap - as she sang. I'm not sure what song she was singing, but it was beautiful and I made a note to ask her about it later.

_"__**Darkness**__, _

_**Darkness**__, _

_Everywhere, _

_Do you feel __**alone**__?_

_The subtle grace of __**gravity**__, _

_The heavy weight of __**stone**__."_

I'm not sure why she was singing, maybe it was a pass time of hers, but I'd never heard her sing before...in fact, I had no idea that she even could. She really was wonderful at it, and it made me wonder why exactly she was singing here.

It's not like I minded... ever since that night, I stopped my child-like pouting and hating her. Sure, I wish that I could have my brother like she has him, but it wasn't her fault. She doesn't know how I feel, and to tell the truth I'd hate myself even more if I harmed her gentle spirit.

The song made me tear up, the words rolling over me like a wave, even if the words didn't last that long.

It was beautiful, and I found myself closing my eyes and simply listening, allowing the words to encase me in a gentle stream of nothing but sound and feelings. It was a wonderful place, and momentarily I forgot about all the pain and hate for myself, and instead I simply began to hum, a soft sound compared to her voice - which was saying something.

_"_You_ don't see what you__** possess**__, _

_A __**beauty calm**__ and __**clear**__._

_It floods the __**sky**__ and __**blurs**__ the __**darkness**__,_

_Like a chandelier."_

A few moments pass, before her emerald orbs shifted slowly from her hands and to me, my own obsidian hues flickering open as her lips curled into a small and yet soft smile before she continued, the song never pausing as we stared at each other.

_"All the __**light**__ that you possess is_

_Skewed by __**lakes**__ and __**seas**__,_

_The __**shattered**__ surface, _

_So __**imperfect**__, _

_Is all that __**you**__ believe."_

I'm not sure why, but after the last verse, there was a soft silence, and for a moment I thought the song was over, but it seemed that it wasn't, because right when I was about to voice my question, she continued, her voice never wavering even though I could see collective tears in her eyes.

_"I will bring the __**mirror**__, _

_So__** silver,**_

_So__** exact**_

_So __**precise**__ and so __**pristine**__, _

_A __**perfect**__ pane of glass_

_I will set the __**mirror**__ up, _

_To face the__** blackened sky**__,_

_**You will see your beauty**__, _

_**Every moment**__ that you rise."_

The next time a silence stretched out, I knew that the song was over, and for some reason I craved for more, but I didn't voice it. It wasn't every day someone sang like that, so I had to cherish the memories... for however long I decide to live.

Taking a deep breath, I watched Skye for several long moments - from that confident singer, she grew timid, and shy. She no longer looked me in the eye, and instead of that smile from before, she wore a sad smile, which for some reason made me frown.

"I...I'm sorry if I woke you, Sasuke-kun." He murmured, her voice softer then the tone she used to sing. I blinked, knowing this is where I usually would snap at her and tell her to leave just like I did with Itachi... but the anger wasn't there.

And that was for the sole reason that she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her own free will. Mother and Father couldn't force her to do anything, and Itachi never ordered her around... so she was here on her own to see me and not because anyone forced her to. **That** was another reason I could never be angry at her anymore. She really was like a big sister to me - whenever I was angry or sad and she knew it...she always tried to comfort me.

And that was an amazing thing, really, because Itachi was the only one who used to do that, but that was years ago.

"Don't apologize, Skye... and please, drop the formalities..." My voice wasn't as raspy as it had been the last time I woke up, and instead I sounded like I used to...although the usually fake smugness and confidence was out of my voice.

Surprised, Skye looked at me with confusion in her emerald eyes, and hope.

"A-alright..." She mumbled, before she sighed, tilting her head ever so slightly to the side as she finally looked at me again, her eyes knowing. "...Sasuke, we're all worried about you, you know that, right?" Her whispered words were something to expect, but to tell the truth I wouldn't have believed it if it came from anyone else. This woman didn't lie, it was completely against her nature to lie, afterall. Even if the truth stung, she still told it. "Well... me and Itachi are more worried then your parents... they haven't found out yet. They're still on that trip in America, and we don't have a way to contact them... so..." She trailed off, and her words made me frown.

Business trip?

Oh yeah... that night, just before everything happened, they'd left to head off for a business trip, promising to be back in two month's time.

Blinking, I realized something... that meant before, when my brother had been visiting... he had actually been there of his own free will. And all of a sudden, I felt utterly guilty for snapping at him like I did. He didn't deserve it, it's not like he'd ever realized my feelings. He may have been a smart man, but he'd been so caught up in his work, and school...and Skye to notice. And it wasn't like I made it easy. I hid it fairly well... I had a poker face that not many could see through... next to no one.

"Oh..." Looking away from her, I clenched my jaw before I sighed. "...That means when Itachi was here earlier..." I trailed off, shaking my head as Skye sighed a little, before hesitantly reaching out to me.

I didn't flinch when her fingers brushed a tear away, nor when she gently ruffled my hair - usually no one ever touched my hair, but once again I didn't snap at her for it.

"Don't blame yourself for snapping at Itachi...both of you are beyond stressed out, and I think that being in the same room right now... is not the best thing for you two." She mumbled, that sad smile of hers never leaving her lips. It was strange, to see her without that usual anger towards her every little move.

But then, a sudden realization hit my chest.

She must've seen the blood-scrawled note I'd left, otherwise she wouldn't have a reason to believe that it would be best for us to stay away from each other for a while. "How..."

"Sasuke, hun, how about we don't talk about this right now, okay? It's not good for you and I think it's best if we talk about everything after you get out of this god forsaken hole." Tilting her head further to the side, she gave me another smile.. but this one wasn't full of that tainted sadness, and instead it made the corners of my own lips turn up. "...so I brought you a little friend, with much difficultly from the nurses and doctors...

I really did need to get my mind off of my brother, and off of the fact that I had failed so horribly. Sure, I knew that these feelings weren't going to go away, and neither was the emptiness, but for a few hours... or even just a few minutes I wanted to forget about those feelings. I had no idea who she meant when she said 'little friend' until a moment later when she got up and walked over to a small tan-white cage that was covered partially with a brown blanket.

A moment after she reached into the cage, and returned, two small bundles of black and white fur landed on my chest and instantly I knew that today wasn't going to be **that** bad.

She'd brought the two kittens that I practically forced mom to get me - Yin and Yang, as I had so graciously named them.

"Thank you, Skye..." I mumbled, curling the gentle kittens in my arms - they seemed to understand to not be rough at the moment and instead curled up, Yang nuzzling my cheek while Yin meowed softly.

For the next two hours, I forgot the sadness, the emptiness, even as it screamed at me from the back of my mind.

* * *

**Short chapter, I know, I know.**

**And there was no Itachi here... I'm sorry for that but they really do need some time away from each other in this chapter.**

**I'm not sure when I'll throw the next chapter at you, but we'll see.**

**Hopefully soon!**

**Please review~!**


	4. Apologize not, my love

_**Oh. My. Literal. Fuck.**_

_**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated yet! **_

_**If ya'll actually care about why it's taking so long, I'll put it at the end, but for now, I should probably get on with the story.**_

_**I'm going to try and not use a song for the base of the story this chapter, but I might include bits here and there. Anyways. **_

_**I'm going to also be putting comments back to my dear reviewers at the end of the fic, so, that if you don't want to read them (Or if you want to see a response to yours) you can **_

_**c:**_

_**Warnings: Suicide triggers, cutting, shitty writing...And finally short-ass chapter.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing. If I did, Sasuke would always be in Itachi's arms, Minato would never die, and NaruSasu would NEVER have EVER existed, although MinaNaru would certainly be a wonderful thing - god I'm an incest freak.**_

_**Speaking of which - guys, I'm working on a new fanfiction that's going to be MinaNaru goodness. There really aren't that many well-written smut-filled fanfictions that havea good storyline out there for that pairing.**_

_**But**_

_**I should shut up**_

_**And start with the story.**_

_**So here you go.**_

* * *

The next few days were...better then the first, though I found myself aching and missing my elder brother - I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions right off the bat... but when I had woken up, hadn't Itachi mentioned my mother and father being worried...?

Knowing him, he was trying to get me to see that someone cared, besides himself.

But in the next...three or so days, he hadn't come back to visit. Probably because I did need time away from him - to tell the truth I was afraid now that my mind had cleared up a bit from the medication and the overwhelming sadness that had clouded me over the first day that he had been there...the day that I had woken up. I was afraid that he'd hate me for my little outburst -it was irrational, Skye kept telling me, and that he loved me very much, but I couldn't help it.

It was just the way my mind decided to work.

The only interesting thing, though, that had seemed to have happened... happened yesterday.

To say the least, I met someone... a friend, in this disgusting, dreary place.

Her name is Chou Kagerou, and to say the least... she's in here for the same reasons that I am.

Losing a loved one to another person - and attempting to end the pain and the sadness that overwhelmed you once that happened.

* * *

_It's around nine at night when I finally decided to explore a little - the Nurses let me as long as I don't stray from this floor, and as long as I don't bother any of the other patients that are either sleeping or mulling around the halls._

_Deciding the best place to go to right then would be the mess hall - the food here was utterly disgusting and it made me wonder how I'd shoved that crap down my throat in the first place - to see if that had any... edible stuff in the place._

_When I finally reached said mess hall - apparently there was one on each floor, yet they couldn't afford to fucking make any good food - I noticed two things._

_It was empty all but for one person._

_That, and the smell of pizza in the air was abundant and such a wonderful smell after all of the chemicals and medication that I'd been around - my nose was rather sensitive, and I hated the smell of the hospital._

_Casting a look around the small cafeteria, I noticed that I was not alone. There was one other person in the mess hall, and my calculating hues instantly took her in._

_Sky-blue hair, sapphire eyes, pale skin - so pale it rivaled my own, which is saying something - she seemed small, like a child almost, but... she had the air about her that screamed adult - like the shit she's been through has made her grown up far faster then she should have. From what I could tell, she had a minidress on with skull designs in rainbow colors, as well as a pair of knee-high black boots._

_I liked her almost instantly. _

_Slowly, almost as if I didn't want to startle her, I approached and silently took a seat beside her. _

_It was then that I realized where the smell of pizza had been coming from, why I hadn't noticed it before, I don't know, but she had a box of cheese pizza in front of her - from what I could tell, extra cheese. _

_I didn't even have to greet her, either, that's another thing I like - she just struck up the conversation almost instantly._

_The first thing she explained to me, was of how she hated the food here, so she took to ordering pizza whenever she could and simply horded the stuff for a day or two to last her - though from what I could tell, she ate the pizza pretty fast, even though she was small, skinny, even a little frail._

_And without even missing a beat, she offered me a few slices with a small, clever smile curling her lips._

_It had to be the first time I'd actually took the time to try and make a friend - usually people flocked to me, annoying people or not... but they really didn't give two shits about it, because if they did, then why haven't they visited? Even my supposed rival hadn't, and to tell the truth, I didn't care about him or that pink-haired girl and her blond friend. _

_Almost instantly, I took the offered slices, and for the next two hours we talked about everything and about nothing - she was a clever girl, from what I could tell, and not only that but she was observant. _

_She almost instantly knew that I was gay, too, which surprised me. I hid it well - though she simply stated that it was the way I spoke of certain people that she'd come to that conclusion in under a half hour. And I'd only really spoken about a few people._

_She'd noticed also the bandages wrapped securely around my wrists, but she didn't mention them - she also noticed that my words grew strained when she asked about any family I had - and she, for now, avoided that topic after I'd mentioned that right now I only had my brother and his wife here, and that my parents were in America. _

_It was only when the nurses came in search of me, and probably her too, did I realize I hadn't asked for her name._

_And it seemed that she came to the same conclusion just as the nurses walked over to us in a huff._

_Smiling, she'd simply stated; "My name's Chou Kagerou, I'm in room 203 if you need me... oh! You can just call me Chou, though!" She'd stated with a flashy grin before closing the pizza box and getting up, flashing that same smile to the nurses as she left off to go to her room._

_Room 203 was the room right next to mine... and it seems that I'll probably visit tomorrow._

_I'd made a friend - for once - someone who actually gave a shit about me, that didn't have to because they're family or married in._

_It was a wonderful feeling, and I found that I loved it. _

* * *

Today I planned on seeing her again, but it seemed that my plans were almost diminished as soon as they popped into my head.

And that was because of one thing - one person that'd caused this all.

Itachi.

Skye thought it best, apparently, if we got a little alone time at least once before the week was over.

And I was grateful for it... but at the same time it scared me.

Was he mad at me?

Did he hate me?

What if...the only reason he was coming here was because he was to disown me as his brother?

Did he... had he read that small note I'd left behind, and if he did, was he going to bring it up?

All these questions filtered through my head, and to tell the truth I couldn't take it. But, then again, I didn't have much time to ponder before I felt a kiss pressed to my forehead, and I heart Skye telling me that she'd go get him and she'd come back in a few hours to bring something actually edible for both me and him.

And with that, she left swiftly, in all of her golden beauty.

The next person who entered the room was Itachi, and my breath caught in my throat.

He looked absolutely horrid - he looked as if he hadn't slept in a couple of days, his ponytail was messier then usual, and he was almost... hesitant when he entered.

Like he, Uchiha Itachi, was scared of a broken boy that laid on a hospital bed.

And I didn't like how he seemed almost like he was questioning his own moves, almost as if he didn't want to do anything wrong... like he didn't want to anger me anymore then he had a few days before.

It clicked, then, that he must think that I myself hate him.

I don't.

I can't.

I love him so much, it hurts to breath around him - the urge to constantly just throw myself at him, to hug him, or to just be held by him, to even get _one_ single kiss from him... oh, the urge was always there.

He just never realized my feelings, and even though it hurt still to think that, I knew... I knew that he was happy and that's all that mattered... at least, he seemed happy before. But now, he was sleep deprived, sad, and the look in his eyes was devastating.

A small, sad smile curled my lips, as I watched him pause a few feet away from the bed. This wasn't my brother - how he usually acted. He was usually confident, and but he seemed scared. I didn't want him to feel like anything he'd do would hurt me anymore.

It wouldn't.

Not anymore.

It couldn't.

"'Tachi..." I used a pet name for him that I hadn't called him in what felt like months. Probably years. "...'Tachi I'm sorry." My voice cracked a little, but I didn't care, I didn't want to see him like this. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that...the other day.. I just... I couldn't-" My words were jumbled, hesitant, but cut off in the next second by my brother.

He, having heard those words, had move faster then I thought even he could, and in the next moment he was by my side, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning down to press his forehead to mine.

"Sasuke, otouto... Don't apologize, please. It was my fault - I shouldn't have just... threw so many questions at you after waking up. I'm the one who's sorry, Sasuke, not you. You have nothing to be sorry for..." He side, lifting his forehead from mine to press a kiss to my temple, mumbling a soft 'I love you' as he did.

And it was then that I cried again.

Not because I was sad, and not even because he was sorry...

But, as he pulled me into his arms, murmuring gentle words to me as I sobbed... I cried because even though he'll never love me like I love him... at least... at least I have him, even as a brother.

He was my everything, and yet I was only a small bratty little teenage brother in his eyes.

And it was this way, sobbing and clutching at his shirt, that I'd fallen asleep - sure it was in the middle of the day, and sure I knew I probably should've stayed awake so we could talk a little... but it was just so comfortable. I'd worn myself out, my emotions were running dry, and I needed this sleep.

It was blissfully peaceful, full of gentle caresses and soothing words.

* * *

**_I know, I know, it's short - blah blah blah._**

**_Anyways._**

**_The reason as to why I couldn't update sooner if because of this stupid exam bullshit._**

**_Ugh,_**

**_I hate it._**

**_SO FUCKIN' MUCH._**

**_But eh, It's almost over with,a dn this is a school night, and I shouldn't be up, but I am, FOR YOU GUYS._**

**_Anyways,_**

**_On with the review replies~_**

**_Eternal MS: _**_I know that you don't like Skye, but to tell the truth she plays a big, motherly role in this fanfiction. You'll find out why in later chapters, but for now, just dear with my little OC, okay? She has no bad intentions, I swear!_

**_Leeda Uchiha: _**_Really? I'm glad that my writing could get to you on an emotional level. I know I still need some work, but it makes me happy to know that you like it, darling! I hope you enjoy this chapter, I know it's a little... interesting._

**_Raipai:_**_ I'm glad you like this fic, darling, even if it's a bit on the depressing side in the beginning, it will get better - I swear! And You'll just have to see what happens, although I will tel you this: Skye is very important in this - she wouldn't have a name or a face if she wasn't. And so his our little friend Chou, she plays a big role in helping Sasu-chan, too._

**_ItachiXDarkness: _**_I'm glad you enjoyed it, darling, and I'm sorry that I don't write much in each chapter, it's just, well... I usually have one idea pop into my head randomly, and I have to get it down quick or I'll forget it - then I go back and put details in and what-not, but I'll try to put more in each chapter, I swear! And I'm sorry if my writing isn't up to your standards, but it's just how I write, I suppose._


End file.
